3 Things Stopping You From Changing Right Now
At university I inadvertently insulted a girl by saying her overly
friendly personality could be seen as a come on to some guys. In an
awkward exchange that involved tears (on her part) she declared that she
is who she is and she can't change.
Choosing to comfort her instead of poking holes in her argument (never debate a girl in tears!) I refrained from saying “well actually you can change”.
It was once a commonly held viewpoint that after an individual reached their twenties the brain had amassed all it needs to and your personality and capabilities were fixed. You couldn't change who you are as much as a stone can not change to water, it is what it is.
However with the emergence of neuroscience, we are discovering that the brain has a plasticity to it that allows you to change habits and beliefs over time. Yet this doesn't mean change is always easy and it doesn't mean we make it easy for ourselves to change.
Yes, we humans have particular quirks that make it harder for us to make changes in our life. You may have experienced people who expressed a desire to change something in their life and yet, weeks later, you find they have made no change at all. The amount of people I have observed who want to lose weight or want to leave their job to do something else but didn't is staggering.
So what are 3 factors you can be aware of that is stopping you from changing right now?
1. Familiarity – Go to a foreign land and amongst all the different culture and language barriers you suddenly hear the familiar tones of your own language. What do you feel compelled to do? Normally it is to go and speak to them because we like familiarity. When you express a desire to change and you go through the act of changing you are entering unknown territory. When setbacks occur (and inevitably there will be a setback or two) we seek a solution to get out of the problem we find ourselves in, enter familiar territory.
Like a mouse that is enticed into the trap with the familiar smell of cheese, this familiar territory may logically seem like the right solution. However this territory is the very environment you want to change. Being aware of this can go somewhat to preventing you from making this common mistake.
2. Being like kids in a sweet shop - There is a certain type of focus that goes into making a change. From a science perspective 'change' is the laying down of new neural pathway connections that become a favoured route when a stimuli required a response. In order for this to occur these pathways have to be conditioned by multiple repetitions. This is not made easier by the constant stream of requests for our attention.
Media, advertising, social networking; all of these make plays for your attention and while your focus is on these, it is not on what you need to do in order to change.
3. Cloudy actions – So you really want to change? The next question is what do you need to do? The problem is this doesn't always happen and as a result left in limbo about what you actually have to do in order to change.
In the area of skill development there is a concept called 'Deliberate Practice' where you know exactly what piece of the skill you are practicing and repeat it a large number of times.
In order to change you have to:
1. Create an idea and vision of what that change is
2. Know what steps to take in order to get there.
Of course you are not going to know exactly what needs to happen but the common problem that occurs is people get confused about what to do and in the end revert back to how they once were.
Change happens over time, it is rarely instant and having thought about what that change involves will prevent you from reverting back to old behaviors.
Change is possible and you should go into any change process with the view that it is within your reach. At the same time, having the awareness that not everything is set up to work with you, it can prevent you from quitting when setbacks occur.
Choosing to comfort her instead of poking holes in her argument (never debate a girl in tears!) I refrained from saying “well actually you can change”.
It was once a commonly held viewpoint that after an individual reached their twenties the brain had amassed all it needs to and your personality and capabilities were fixed. You couldn't change who you are as much as a stone can not change to water, it is what it is.
However with the emergence of neuroscience, we are discovering that the brain has a plasticity to it that allows you to change habits and beliefs over time. Yet this doesn't mean change is always easy and it doesn't mean we make it easy for ourselves to change.
Yes, we humans have particular quirks that make it harder for us to make changes in our life. You may have experienced people who expressed a desire to change something in their life and yet, weeks later, you find they have made no change at all. The amount of people I have observed who want to lose weight or want to leave their job to do something else but didn't is staggering.
So what are 3 factors you can be aware of that is stopping you from changing right now?
1. Familiarity – Go to a foreign land and amongst all the different culture and language barriers you suddenly hear the familiar tones of your own language. What do you feel compelled to do? Normally it is to go and speak to them because we like familiarity. When you express a desire to change and you go through the act of changing you are entering unknown territory. When setbacks occur (and inevitably there will be a setback or two) we seek a solution to get out of the problem we find ourselves in, enter familiar territory.
Like a mouse that is enticed into the trap with the familiar smell of cheese, this familiar territory may logically seem like the right solution. However this territory is the very environment you want to change. Being aware of this can go somewhat to preventing you from making this common mistake.
2. Being like kids in a sweet shop - There is a certain type of focus that goes into making a change. From a science perspective 'change' is the laying down of new neural pathway connections that become a favoured route when a stimuli required a response. In order for this to occur these pathways have to be conditioned by multiple repetitions. This is not made easier by the constant stream of requests for our attention.
Media, advertising, social networking; all of these make plays for your attention and while your focus is on these, it is not on what you need to do in order to change.
3. Cloudy actions – So you really want to change? The next question is what do you need to do? The problem is this doesn't always happen and as a result left in limbo about what you actually have to do in order to change.
In the area of skill development there is a concept called 'Deliberate Practice' where you know exactly what piece of the skill you are practicing and repeat it a large number of times.
In order to change you have to:
1. Create an idea and vision of what that change is
2. Know what steps to take in order to get there.
Of course you are not going to know exactly what needs to happen but the common problem that occurs is people get confused about what to do and in the end revert back to how they once were.
Change happens over time, it is rarely instant and having thought about what that change involves will prevent you from reverting back to old behaviors.
Change is possible and you should go into any change process with the view that it is within your reach. At the same time, having the awareness that not everything is set up to work with you, it can prevent you from quitting when setbacks occur.
| Written on 8/4/2013 by Aaron Morton. Aaron Morton is the creator of The Confidence Lounge. A platform where you can discover how to turn your ideas into reality. Aaron works with individuals who want to earn a side income using the skills and talents they already have or have the confidence to leave their job and go solo. If you want to learn more about igniting that confidence inside you, go to www.theconfidencelounge.com and receive a free ebook on how to handle fear. |
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